Some people eat their bagel like a sandwich.

Others like to enjoy it in an open-faced capacity.

Martha Stewart does neither of those things.

“Taught years ago by my daughter Alexis Stewart,” she explained her unconventional method for consuming the New York staple in a Dec. 12 Instagram post.

  1. She buys a poppy seed bagel from PopUp Bagels, a Connecticut-founded bagel chain known for its “rip and dip” experience.
  2. She cuts it in half.
  3. She takes a half of a half (aka a quarter) and breaks it into “sweet little pieces.”
  4. She tops those “sweet little pieces” with a “modicum” of flavored or unflavored cream cheese.

This experience, she says, leaves her “always satisfied” and “never too full.”

Here’s what those “sweet little pieces” look like:

Martha Stewart's "sweet little pieces" of bagel.
Martha Stewart’s “sweet little pieces” of bagel.@marthastewart48 via Instagram

So, obviously, we have a lot of questions.

First off, and most urgently, what is going on here?

Second, why is she only eating a quarter of a bagel? Where does the rest go?

Third, why is she not ripping and dipping them as she eats?

Fourth, where does the lemon come into play?

Fifth, is this a self-induced schmear campaign?

And finally, how does PopUp Bagels feel about the way their bagel was treated?

“PopUp Bagels is known for eating bagels a little differently — Grip, Rip and Dip style. That being said, we encourage everyone to enjoy their bagel however they want, which is why we sell them hot and whole,” founder Adam Goldberg tells TODAY.com. “Martha just took that idea to a whole new level, and we love seeing all the creative ways people make it their own.”

Unsurprisingly, her comments section is filled with concerned citizens.

“Love you Martha but it’s 2025 we can eat whole bagels now ❤️,” wrote cookbook author Christina Musgrave, echoing other commenters’ “diet culture” sentiments.

“Idk about this one, diva,” commented another fan.

“This is unhinged, Martha,” wrote someone else.

“Straight to jail,” said another.

“Queen Martha, this is a violation of the bagel code of ethics 🚫,” one person warned.

“As a New Yorker, I’m against this nonsense,” wrote one more.

But perhaps, in tearing her bagel to shreds, she has actually found a way to unite the internet. Thank you, Martha, for your sacrifice.